Hiring a matchmaker: red flags to check before you pay

Hiring a matchmaker can cost far more than a premium dating app, and Mashable reports that some singles are paying five figures to get out of the swipe cycle.

Sameera Sullivan, a U.S. matchmaker for nearly 15 years, told Mashable she entered the field after working as a recruiter in aerospace and defense. She first worked at an unnamed international matchmaking agency for less than a year before starting her own business.

Sullivan said that experience made her wary of large matchmaking firms that, in her view, rely on brand recognition or broad marketing while accepting too many clients. Matchmaking has long existed in countries including India and China, but Mashable notes that it has become a larger paid business in the U.S. as app fatigue grows.

Why are singles hiring matchmakers?

One anonymous male client, described by Mashable as between 65 and 70, said he wanted a more selective alternative to dating sites. His view was that a matchmaker could offer a better-screened group of people who were actually seeking relationships.

A matchmaker generally works by screening clients, learning what they want, and introducing possible partners from a vetted pool. Sullivan told Mashable that vetting is central to the job.

Her process, according to Mashable, includes a criminal background check, reviews of career history, home ownership and marriage history, and confirmation that previously married clients are fully divorced. Sullivan or her team also interview clients, often for about 90 minutes.

That screening can vary by company. A client identified as Cheryl told Mashable that a prior service sent her out of state to meet men. On one Florida date, she said the man made a disturbing remark about taking her money, and she later reported him to the service, which removed him.

What should you ask before hiring a matchmaker?

Mashable’s reporting points to one basic question before money changes hands: can the matchmaker show real, current options who are single, available and already screened?

Sullivan said prospective clients should ask to see sample profiles and confirm those people have spoken with the service. She also advised asking who will handle the account after the sale, especially if the first call is with a salesperson.

That became an issue for a client identified as Ro. He told Mashable that a salesperson at a large agency made the process sound easy, then said after he joined that another staffer would manage him. Ro said he was promised weekly check-ins but sometimes went two or three weeks without contact, and that the service delivered introductions that often did not feel right for him.

Another client, Richard, told Mashable he had used multiple services and preferred Sullivan because she did not promise love. She framed the work as finding candidates, not guaranteeing a partner.

Location is another test. If a client wants to date only in one state or city, Mashable reports, the matchmaker should be able to show that they have suitable people there or refer the client elsewhere.

What are the biggest matchmaker red flags?

• Promises that a spouse or long-term partner is guaranteed.
• A salesperson who will not be the person handling the client later.
• Vague answers about whether proposed matches are single, available and screened.
• A service claiming it can serve every demographic without clear focus.
• No clear plan for local matches if geography matters.

Sullivan told Mashable she does not accept every paying client. Her business charges premium prices, with some clients paying six figures, and uses coaching tools including attachment styles, Dr. Helen Fisher’s personality test and the Gottman Method. Her paying clientele is men, while women can be in a vetted free or paid priority database.

Richard and Ro both advised researching services through reviews on Google or Reddit, while treating online comments with caution. Sullivan’s warning was more basic: even with screening and money involved, no matchmaker can promise that a relationship will work.

This story draws on original reporting from Mashable.