Sister asks if she must handle dying brother’s affairs

A woman whose brother is in hospice in New York has asked what, if anything, she must do as his only immediate family member, after years of limited contact and no clear instructions for his estate or funeral.

The situation was laid out in MarketWatch’s The Moneyist column, written by Quentin Fottrell. The sister said her brother moved to New York City 40 years ago and has returned to their Midwestern home state only three times since then.

According to the letter, the siblings stayed in touch by speaking three or four times a year, but were not especially close. The brother has no spouse, no children and little family nearby, she wrote.

The sister said she handled their mother’s affairs alone after her death five years ago because her brother did not want to be involved. Since then, he has been diagnosed with a debilitating illness and is now in hospice care, she wrote.

She told Fottrell she has not been able to visit because her husband has serious health problems that require her attention. She said she and her brother never discussed what should happen after his death, and he is no longer able to clearly communicate his wishes.

The nursing facility has no will or end-of-life instructions, the sister wrote. She has been given contact information for one friend, but said she does not know whether her brother has bank accounts, life insurance or funeral plans.

She also said she cannot forward his mail without his signature and driver’s license, leaving her unsure where family duty begins and where legal responsibility ends.

What The Moneyist advised

Fottrell advised the sister to give her contact information to the hospice, saying staff can contact her if needed. He also wrote that if her brother has lived in New York for four decades, he may have friends nearby who know more about his wishes or affairs.

Fottrell noted that hospice staff may be limited in what they can share because of Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act rules. He suggested the sister could contact the friend she was given or look for contacts through social media if that would ease her mind.

On the legal side, Fottrell wrote that being next of kin does not force someone to administer an estate or organize a funeral. He said she may decline to serve as administrator if she does not want the role.

Fottrell also wrote that hospices generally have social workers or bereavement coordinators who can explain what happens after a death and direct families to the proper agencies.

Estate questions remain

Because the brother’s cognitive function has declined, Fottrell said he is unlikely to have the capacity now to sign major legal documents such as a will, medical power of attorney, durable power of attorney or guardianship-related paperwork. He added that the brother may already have made such arrangements.

If the brother dies without a will, Fottrell wrote, the sister would be his legal heir as his closest living relative. If no qualified or willing person steps forward, a public administrator may be appointed to handle the estate.

If there is a will, Fottrell said it would likely name an executor to pay debts, carry out instructions and wrap up the estate. A prospective executor or administrator cannot legally access property until appointed by the New York Surrogate’s Court and issued the proper letters, he wrote.

Once appointed, Fottrell said, that person has authority and a duty to secure assets and search for documents such as a will, deeds, brokerage papers, retirement-account records and life-insurance information.

Fottrell closed by urging the sister not to take on more than she can manage while caring for her husband, and to be kind to herself during a difficult time.

This story draws on original reporting from MarketWatch.